5 yrs ago............

Today is Cailtyns birhtday (for about 10 more minutes).  She is 5 today.  yes 5!!!  I have been very emotional today.  (probably mostly from lack of sleep).  I remember the amazing moment it was to hold my first baby in my arms.  A child of mine, a child of God.  I can't think about the experience without tears.  I am so blessed to be a mother of 3 beautiful children.  I cherish each of them.  I am so grateful that theLord trusted me enough to make me a mother.  Its SO diffucult sometimes.  But a dream come true. 

I told Caitlyn that today was like Mothers Day for me.  She didn't get it.  Haha.  But my heart is full.  Full of Joy!

I love you CJ!  Happy Birthday.

Ever thought of TRIALS like THIS??!?!!

   

    There have been times in my life when trials have come upon me and I have doubted why? Why me? But...as I continue to move forward through my little life I have witnessed time and time again the Lords mercy.  His tender mercies are so abundant. He has carried me many difficult days. And I am stronger....well I, of my ownself am not stronger.  I am stronger because my FAITH in Him is stronger. 
   I have been thinking a lot the past year about WHY we have trials.  I personally always figured that they were to teach ME something about myself.  Apparently this is NOT the ONLY reason for trials.  I have recently come to cherish the story of the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon.  They were a select group of righteous believers who were converted by Alma (who was a preist of the wicked king Noah) and were baptized in the waters of Mormon. They then were warned by the Lord and fled for their lives. They finally settled and built up a people unto the Lord.  Then...the Lamanites found them....and put them into bondage....under NO WICKEDNESS OF THEIR OWN.  Why???  Why would the Lord do this to a faithful people.  Ahhhh.....I LOVE THE BOOK OF MORMON!!!  Listen to the end of the story......

Mosiah Chapter 24
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

HOW AMAZING!  Our trials AREN'T ALWAYS JUST FOR US!  They allow us to gain FAITH, exercise that Faith and then BEAR TESTIMONY OF THE LORD's DELIEVERANCE!!!  OUR TRAILS ARE FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS......THROUGH OUR TESTIMONIES!  Staggering thought.
      
And....look how these people endured their trials................

Vs 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

Oh how I want to be more like them.  Happy and Patient.....waiting always upon the WILL OF THE LORD.  NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TOOK.  Truly their trials....were for OUR BENEFIT.  Truly their examples were to BEAR WITNESS.  Now its my turn.

My NEW Favorite TALK EVER!!!

I'm loving the conference issue of the Ensign.  I am especially liking Julie B Becks talk “And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit”  link here http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-3,00.html

Here are my  FAVORITE parts......and why.....
1.
"The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. "
OK....see me previous post "Lioness at the Gate" (also about a Julie B Beck talk)  about how this should be our #1 priorety.    This is a staggering concept for me.  Personal Revelation is more important than FOOD!!  Its the only thing that will ensure our families ETERNAL SALVATION.  Pretty IMPORTANT.   BUT HOW DO I DO THAT?????  and....here comes my next favorite part.

2.
  "Insight found in scripture accumulates over time, so it is important to spend some time in the scriptures every day. "  
So here is the ANSWER....READ YOUR SCRIPTURES......EVERY EVERY DAY!!!  So true....when I am reading my scriptures daily I feel so much more patient, focused and close to the spirit.  I am REALLY going to have to do better. Maybe I should not allow myself real food until I have my SPIRITUAL food for the day...(as I sit here eating my egg and english muffin =) ) THAT would for SURE motivate me....haha.

3.
 "....mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children."
 OH this is a HARD ONE!!  Sometimes I feel like my screaming fighting children do nothing but drive the spirit right out the front door.  And then....disciplining them SURELY seems to do so.  I have GOT to be MORE PATIENT.  I can not afford to loose the spirit because my kids poured cereal out all over the house or are intent on beating each other up or refuse to take naps.  I'm just going to have to speak more kindly and PRAY more earnestly for patience.  NO LAUGHING....SHE SAYS IT CAN BE DONE....It's going to take me my WHOLE LIFE to figure this one out. Ready.........GO!

4.

".... Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times."
 I love the imagery in this quote.....Oh how I NEED to feel BATHED in help from the Lord.  Life is HAAAAAAAAARRRRD!   Really Hard sometimes. (ok all the time right now) Sometimes its so easy for me to be frustrated and overwhelmed.  I often just DECIDE to let myself be grumpy and stressed out.  But if I REALLY BELIEVE that my LIFE IS IN THE LORDS HANDS then I should be able to just let HIM BATHE ME IN THE SPIRIT OF PEACE.

which brings me to my MOST FAVORITE PART.......

5.
The second general Relief Society president, Eliza R. Snow, said this to the sisters: “We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones. In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help to prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the Kingdom of God. . . . Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities.”<sup>8

WOW!!!! WOW! WOW!
This is MY REALITY CHECK!!!!  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself when life is hard and realize that the LORD will grant all my righteous wishes and desires in due time.  Amazing Idea.  In other words....STOP WHINING!   Be happy!!!!!  This is the Lords plan and He needs me to be POWERFUL not PITUFUL!    Seriously.  Amazing.  Inspiring!!!!!  

Here I go......Trying to be " a Lady</sup>  in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones^"

Diamonds

Diamond (from the ancient Greek αδάμας – adámas "unbreakable") 

Diamonds were said to have originated in India about three thousand years ago and were valued primarily because of their brilliance. In those early days of diamond history, people thought diamonds were mystical stones that could be used to ward off evil spirits or as protection from harm.

Some believed they were good protective talismans for battle. At a certain point, diamonds were even thought to be powerful magical gems that could heal wounds or even cure sickness! By the time the Middle Ages came, the lore surrounding the so-called mystical stones had dwindled, and public interest in the aesthetic and commercial value of diamonds perked up. Giving diamond wedding rings to bride-to-be’s turned into a trend after Duke Maximilian of Austria presented Mary of Burgundy with a diamond ring as his betrothal gift in 1477.n later years, after the Indian diamond supply had diminished, a few smaller mines were discovered in Brazil and Borneo. These, however, were not enough to address the rising demand for diamond wedding rings and other jewelry. A sizable supply of diamonds was found in South Africa sometime in the 1800s, which set the precedent for the world’s largest diamond rush.

It wasn’t until the later part of the 1970’s that the world’s richest diamond deposits was discovered near Lake Argyle in Australia. To date, a significant percentage of the world’s diamonds are supplied by the Argyle mines. With this development, diamond wedding rings and other jewelry have become so much more available to the public.

Diamond has remarkable optical characteristics. Because of its extremely rigid lattice, it can be contaminated by very few types of impurities

 Diamond is the hardest natural material known

 Most natural diamonds are formed at high-pressure high-temperature (between approximately 900–1300 °C) conditions existing at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 120 mi) in the Earth


I find this all very interesting in relation to the fact that most people have diamond wedding rings.  Interesting that it has become the SYMBOL of Marriage.  If only the world would really think about that.


Marriage....should be unbreakable

Marriage....should be the STRONGEST relationship on earth.  IMPENETRABLE by anything or anyone.  

Marriages should  perfected over time and through enormous amounts of pressure.


Marriage should be considered our greatest treasure


Imagine what the world would be like if everyone who wore a diamond on their finger as a symbol of their marriage......worked to have a marriage with the qualities of the diamond that symbolizes it?????? STAGGERING THOUGHT!

I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God
I believe that marriage, sealed in the Holy Temple by the Holy Priesthood, is ETERNAL  

Someday....in a million years.....after we have passed through this life and journeyed into the world beyond.....I hope MY MARRIAGE sparkles brilliantly..... 
Because it is my most precious treasure.....and because I took care to treat it as such. 

The Lioness at the gate......

Today was our Regional Conference.  By the time I wresteled all 3 kids into their church clothes...and grudgingly found myself something to wear that fits, (blasted baby wieght =)) and got to the VERY crowded Stake Center....I was not feeling "full of the spirit" thats for sure.  But nonetheless...as Jeff and I had discussed that morning....we were being faithful...even when we REALLY would rather have stayed home in our pajamas than brave a 2 hour meeting with the kids.
   Oh I am so grateful that I went.  Elder Hales, Sister Julie Beck, AND Elder Eyring!!  What a spiritual meeting.  Even between reading to my kids, picking up crayons, and stuffing them with fruit snacks to keep them quiet....the spirit was AMAZING. 
    
      Sister Beck spoke of Rebekah from the Bible.  She was a woman who understood the plan.  She was a woman who trusted in the Lord.  She was a woman through which all of ISREAL would come forth.  Think what would have happened if she had faltered???  Think how PIVOTAL her role and that of Sarah, and Rachel as well..... Women of Faith, Courage, and Determination to serve the Lord.
   Sister Beck stated that each of us are as important in our day as Rebekah was in hers.  Each of us has the responsibility to raise a righteous posterity to the Lord.  The consequences of doing so, or not, are UNMEASURABLE. 
   We are what she called "the Lioness at the gate".   WE decide what will and will not enter our homes.  If something is not important to us....it will not be important to our posterity.  The influence  which we have on our own families and on Gods kingdom is VITAL.   As the saying goes "if mom aint happy nobody is happy"......but does that also work for personal righteousness???  If mom isnt righteous......What are the consequences...or the blessings??? 

For me the hardest part of Motherhood is often feeling like what I am doing doesn't matter.  Doing dishes, reading stories 200 times, changing diapers, driving kids to and from activities....it often seems so UNimportant.  It is SO easy as a mother to feel like an exhausted doormat.  
 
 Sister Beck taught there are 3 ways to catagorize our priorities. 
ESSENTIAL, IMPORTANT, and NICE. 

ESSENTIAL
 Personal Revelation
all things that help us RECEIVE personal revelation (cue sunday school answers)
Teaching our children the gospel

IMPORTANT
Physical needs of self and family (bills, dishes,laundry)
Making house a HOME

NICE
Personal Hobbies
Time with friends
Travel
etc.

These were MY thoughts.....Having the spirit with me everyday is MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD!  It is more important that dishes, exercise, laundry, and friends.  Having the spirit with me entitles me to the personal revelation on HOW to be the LIONESS AT THE GATE.   It is what will not only save ME but it will save my FAMILY.  
   I have to admit there are too many days I do laundry and do not remember my prayers...or scriptures.  For the most part.....according to these guidelines....my priorities need to be revisited.  I need to focus more on what will SPIRITUALLY save our lives....because THAT is what matters most.

And, in general, I need to remember that I am a literal DAUGHTER OF GOD and that my mission here is to bring my family back to him.  There is NO TIME to wallow in feeling small and insignificant. Raising a righteous posterity is my mission because it is the Lords mission.  I am the Lioness at the gate.  It is MY JOB to fiercely protect my family.

"For this is my work and my Glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man"
Moses 1:39




note: this entry includes no direct quotes from sister Julie Beck, only an overview of my feelings and impressions of her talk today.

Here I go AGAIN.....

Does anyone have a baby and then say...... I want MORE??!!?  Seriously??  ...apparently I do.  Recently  I was looking at my sleeping 4 month old and I said to myself (i'm the queen of inner dialogue...which sometimes I speak out loud...don't be alarmed) "Wow...I want ANOTHER one of these!"  Then I GASPED in spite of myself.  Did I REALLY JUST SAY THAT???  After I have spent the last 4 months being puked on, peed on, and listening to crying screaming children???  Yes.  Yes I did.
   
Oh how quickly I forgot that I HATE being pregnant and feeling like CONCRETE and having no brain for 2 months after the birth because I haven't slept.  I haven't even figured out a way to drop the last 10 lbs from THIS baby??!!!  But, nonetheless I DO want another one.  Possibly 3 more.....call me crazy.  I'll save you the trouble.....I'll call MYSELF crazy.....Missy, You're CRAZY!