I am a CHEERLEADER, and I'm PROUD OF IT!

  When you think of the word CHEERLEADER, what are the first three words that come to your mind?  Dont feel bad if they aren't nice ones; you'd be in the majority.  I'm sure most of us can understand that it is a stereotype; at least most the time.  Yet, nonetheless, cheerleaders (especially high school)  are not thought of very nicely.  Why is that?  Because it's true? Maybe sometimes.  Because we're jealous?  Maybe sometimes. Or, is it that for some reason our culture decided to label them that way?  Yes; unfortunately. Recently, I posed this same question to my facebook friends. (thanks friends!!) Here is a sample of their answers:

When you think of the word CHEERLEADER, what are the first three words that come to your mind?

Texas, Murder, Blonde

Bubbly, Pretty, Crazy

Popular, Superficial, Skinny

Clique, Hair, Repetitive 

Spunky, Althletic, Crazy

Fun,Exciting, Loud

Fun, Annoying, Fit

Cute, Bubbly, Football

Athletic, Energetic, Pretty

Blonde. Ditz. That's pretty much it.

Fun, Athletic, Cheerful

Cute, Vain, Outgoing 

Stuck-up, vain, and Annoying   

Blonde/Ditz , Mean, Easy

Melissa Anne Bradley

Yes, those last three words are MY FULL (maiden) NAME.   Literally, my two BEST friends think of ONLY ME when they hear the word Cheerleader.  It used to bother me, that even NOW(at almost 30), I am associated with a word that has such NEGATIVE connotations.  Yet,  I'm coming to understand, that it's for a reason.   I AM A CHEERLEADER. I always will be a Cheerleader, and I'm proud of that.

My CHEERLEADING STORY 

When I was in 8th grade I fell in LOVE with tumbling. Who wouldn't love doing standing back flips?!?  SO FUN!!  By the time I was entering high school I decided to try out for the sophomore cheerleading squad.  After all, I was LOUD, energetic, and I loved to TUMBLE.  Cheerleading  just seemed to fit my athletic ability and my personality.  What I didn't fully realize is that the STEREOTYPE of cheerleaders didn't.
Referring back to the list above, the second to last three words are MINE.  They are : Blonde/Ditz, Mean, and Easy.  Why, if I WAS a cheerleader, would I think of those 3 very negative words FIRST?  There is an easy answer.  It's NOT because that is how cheerleaders ACTUALLY ARE.  Trust me, I was around a lot of them.  It is because those are the words that I HATED being labeled as MOST, just by wearing the uniform.  I'm going to briefly touch on each of those three words.

BLONDE/DITZ

I have always been an excellent student. My parents strongly encouraged me to do my best and set my goals high.  Still, as adult, I love to read, write, and learn new things.  Why is it that people think Cheerleaders (and women with Blonde hair) have nothing valuable to say or contribute??  It baffles me.  Wearing a skirt and having pom poms DOES NOT SUCK OUT YOUR BRAIN!!!!!  I know that....because I still have one....and a college degree. 

MEAN

Often cheerleaders are considered to be the "queen bee" of high school.  But, more often than not, PEOPLE (especially girls) HATE THEM.  Why?  Because they ASSUME they are STUCK UP AND MEAN!!!!  Are some of them MEAN??  ABSOLULETLY!!  But honestly, teenage girls in general can be so vindictive, conniving and awful to each other....its not JUST the cheerleader.  

I was raised in a household where we were taught to be kind; even to people who were not kind to us.  It REALLY bothered me that all the sudden when I became a cheerleader people just ASSUMED I was stuck up and mean.  I love people.  I love to be kind to people.  It fills my life with joy.  Everyone has bad days and can be mean, but its the exception, not the rule.  I truly believe that all people are inherently good.  God made us that way.  He is good, so we are good.  We CHOOSE to be mean.  We are not inherently so.  Just because you are a cheerleader, does NOT mean you have to choose to be mean, condescending, or snotty. 

 EASY (or whatever your version is of it....my mom's was "loose")

This one is the hardest for me to swallow. Of all of all three of  these stereotypes, it bothered me the most. It still does. I was raised to be modest and chaste in word, deed, and dress.  The first time I put on my cheer skirt I ABOUT DIED.  It was sooooo SHORT!  My dad would NEVER have let me out of the house in shorts that short!!!  But, it was a UNIFORM and my parents didnt even bat and eye.

I will tell you who did MORE than just bat their eyes.   I will NEVER forget the first day I wore my cheer uniform to school.  I should have been proud. Right? After all, I was head of the Sophomore cheer squad. Yet, mostly, I was mortified.   I vividly remember walking down the main hallway at Orem High School.  There was a bench full of Senior boys.  As I walked past they made comments I wont repeat, whistled, ect. ect.   I went into the bathroom and cried.  I felt so used.  Imagine my relief when we got  to wear leggings underneath our skirts in the winter, or jeans and our Cheer sweaters.   Over time, I got used to the uniform (which I'm not sure is good)....but it sure made me realize that HOW I DRESSED affected how boys looked at me, and thought about my standards.

In my time as a high school cheerleader...

I learned a very valuable lesson.

DONT LET SOMEONE (or a stereotype) SQUASH WHO YOU ARE JUST BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU SHOULD BE SOMETHING ELSE!!!!

Why?  because God made you the way you are for a REASON.  And ONLY YOU CAN BE THAT REASON.  

The past 11 years since high school  I have become a many things. I am a friend, a registered nurse, a wife, and mother.  As I have spent my time learning and growing in each of those areas , I have come to realize that the saying "Some things never change" is very true.   When I wrap an arm around the mother of an ill child and give encouragement,  I am a cheerleader.  When I  decorate crutches, or the bed of a child who is struggling to overcome illness or injury, I am a cheerleader.  When I hug my husband after an exhuasting day at school or work, I am a cheerleader.  When I urge my husband to accomplish his dreams, I am a cheerleader.  When I clap for my child taking their first steps, or writing their name, or learning to read,  I am a Cheerleader.  

What we SHOULD think of when we hear the word CHEERLEADER is EXACTLY....what is spelled out in the word.   CHEER and LEAD.   When we enthusiastically CHEER for someone, or even ourselves, how infectious is it??  Cheerleading is encouragement by example.  It is positivity, energy, optimism, faith, and enthusiasm.  EVERYONE NEEDS a CHEERLEADER in their life.  We all need some one to tell us we can make it after falling on our face. (ask my friends and family, I have a knack for tripping and falling on my face). 
 
In truth,  CHEERLEADERS really are the people who everyone wants to be around, and EVERYONE CAN AND SHOULD STRIVE TO BE A CHEERLEADER. We just don't call them CHEERLEADERS. Who doesn't want to be with someone, or be that someone, who see's greatness in everyone.  Who unites people in a cause and pushes through adversity??  Who waives their arms and shouts YOU'RE NUMBER ONE when you feel like you are already losing??  Who doesn't need someone in their life to tell them that they can finish the race, and that they will be there holding a banner when they get there.  


I am not saying that everyone needs to wear a tiny outfit and shake glittery pom poms (although I do ADORE pom poms.)  I AM SAYING that the world could use a LOT more Cheerleaders.  We should be cheering for our families, our friends, our neighbors, our communities, our leaders, and OUR VALUES.  We CAN make a difference, even if it's only to one person, it will make the world a better place.  Try it and see.  Pick ONE person to be a CHEERLEADER to.  See if you don't change the world ONE PERSON AT A TIME.  

 I have been told SO MANY TIMES that I was born to be a Cheerleader.  They are right.  I am a CHEERLEADER, and I'm PROUD of it.  

The PRESENT

The word PRESENT is what we call a HOMONYM in the English language.  Meaning, it has multiple meanings for the same word.  My first grader often finds this either annoying or funny as she is learning to read and comprehend new things. When she encounters a homonym, silent letters, or  K and C that sound alike, she often asks me WHY???  My response.....Because the English language is stupid. (is there a better answer??)  To be completely honest Spanish makes so much more sense!!!   That said....HOMONYMS sometimes PRESENT us with an "AHA MOMENT."  A sudden revelation how things relate to each other in a way we had not previously thought of.   I had one of those this past week.
  Since the week before Thanksgiving  I have been busily checking PRESENTS off my childrens Christmas lists (as well as my own)  in hopes to not leave shopping to the last minute and avoid feeling stressed during this very magical time .   As I purchased PRESENT after PRESENT I began to really reflect on what it is I REALLY WANTED MOST THIS YEAR!!!   WHAT PRESENT did I want to give to myself????   WHAT PRESENT DID I MOST WANT TO GIVE TO MY CHILDREN???? Then is dawned on me..............

The most precious PRESENT we can give to ourselves and our loved ones is............. to be PRESENT in the PRESENT!!!!

(Did you like all those HOMONYMS???

As a busy mother of three (and a third =) )with a husband in grad school, I have a long list of things to do that often occupy my every PRESENT moment.   I have taken notice lately that while I might "look" like I am listening to my 4 yr old tell me another account of Spiderman or my Six year old babble about her day at school I am not really PRESENT.   And guess what???  THEY CAN TELL!!!!  Even my 23 month old baby has picked up the phrase "Listen to ME!!!"  and he's not even 2!!!!   Time for mom to re-evaluate her priorities and her focus.

MY CHILDREN and my SPOUSE are the things I treasure most.  Our lives are busy......but often just because when we are doing one thing....my brain has moved onto the next.   I have come to realize that by not being PRESENT in the PRESENT I am missing the moments that bring the most JOY!  Just this morning my four year old came to tell me that his brother had a dirty diaper.......for the next five minutes I chased my little William around the kitchen table while he yelled "STINKY STINKY" at the top of his lungs.   It would have been a lot quicker to corner him and drag him in to have his diaper changed....but in five minutes time we were all laughing hysterically and still ended up with the job done.  Earlier my Jeffrey had come upstairs for breakfast to find me on the couch reading a book.  I could have jumped up to get his cereal before he asked for it....but instead I put down my book and opened my arms.....into which he quickly snuggled.  Soon enough, he (and his siblings) were asking for cereal....but not before I had squeezed in a cuddle with my tender boy.
Earlier today I read another blogpost that I loved in which a mother describes how her own mother had treated her :

When I was growing up, my parents never treated me as an annoyance.  They were so loving and patient with me, and I never went to bed wondering where I stood with them.

Many times, I would walk into my mom's room and find her kneeling at the side of her bed in prayer.  She would immediately stop, look up at me, and hold out her arms so I would come give her a hug and tell her what I needed.

One day I asked, "Mom, what do you tell God when I interrupt your prayer?"

She replied, "I just say that my child needs me, and I'll be right back."


I am sure that God wants us to be PRESENT in our lives.  He wants us to love and enjoy the wonderful family and friends that we have been blessed with to the fullest.  The people we love don't feel loved when they think we are not paying attention to them.  Even my (almost) two year old knows when I am distracted!!!  My six year old often chides me "Mom??? you're not listening"  I am listening.....but I am not PRESENT.  My children DESERVE a mother who is PRESENT.  After all....do  we feel truly LOVED by someone who acts like the only "sort of" care about them???  No.  We don't.  I want my children to feel my love.  To KNOW I love them!!!  I WANT to be PRESENT in the PRESENT....but HOW??? How in the world do I change my mindset????  How do I change my "always doing something" personality to slow down and be PRESENT in the PRESENT.

I have been earnestly thinking and (praying) about this the past few days.  Then came these wise words into my mind......THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT!!!!  (go ahead and laugh....Steve Jobs is sending me inspiration from heaven.  LOL) Thats it!  My IPHONE!!!  The soulution was that easy. I started to jot down funny little moments I spent with my kids in my I phone Lists. (because you KNOW I'm never without my phone).  To my surprise, what I noticed, is that by LOOKING for those little moments on a daily basis I was HAPPIER!!!!!  I STOPPED MY BULDOZER BRAIN in mid-thought to EJNOY what was happening in my house at the PRESENT.   I sure laughed a lot more as I watched my kids without annoyance and allowed them to do things in their own way and own time.   Jeffrey rolling himself in his blanket to the bathroom to brush his teeth may have taken 2 more minutes but instead of nagging him to HURRY I had a good laugh instead.  The same thing when Caitlyn was "Bum dancing" her way down the stairs to bed after family prayers.   I smiled....I laughed......I was PRESENT.   and you know what???.....It felt like a PRESENT. 

  I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for his patience with me as I learn to me a mother, a wife, and a follower of Jesus Christ.   He is EVER PRESENT in my life.  He always answers.  He is always there.  I hope in this Season of PRESENTS I can keep Him in my PRESENT.  I know that is the greatest PRESENT I can give to Him.

Modesty

Modesty.  A Hallmark of an LDS woman.  It has been something I have been thinking about a lot lately. 

I wanted to share a funny expereince I had in Walmart a few months ago.   I was shopping with my kids and I wandered by the swim suits.  As I was looking through them a group of about 5 teenage girls came over and were looking through the racks.  One of them held up a swim suit to herself and said to another "well?" to which the other said "Remember...MODEST IS THE HOTTEST".   Then they all laughed and moved on to another section of the store.  As they walked away I noticed that each of them were dressed modetly (granted it was Febuary).  I honestly wanted to run up and hug them all.  To tell them that I was PROUD of them for encouraging eachother to be modest.  I wanted to call and congratulate their mothers for teaching them modesty.  I will never forget that saying for as long as I live.  It will be a story I relate to my own daughter as she grows.
    I was reminded of a talk I heard by Susan Bednar when I was at Ricks college on modesty.  It really does reflect a respect for our bodies and for our relationship with the Lord.  Its a GREAT talk.  Here is the link http://www.byui.edu/Presentations/Transcripts/MiscellaneousAddresses/2001_09_16_Bednarsusan.htm
  I remember being in high school.  I never felt very pretty or attractive and I SURE never understood the way my dress affected boys.  But I do remember the first time I went to school in my Cheerleading Uniform.  I remember being a naieve Sophmore in that tiny little skirt.  I remember walking by a bench full of Senior boys who said somethings I will not repeat.  I did not feel attractive.....I felt dirty and used.  What was I supposed to do???  I had to wear that uniform to school every game day.  It was awkward and because I had been raised in house where modesty was expected it was difficult for me. 
  I also remember a night I was heading out the door to a school dance.  I had just bought this hot pink shirt that I LOVED.  It was really tight...but it was long enough, had a high neckline, and it had sleeves so I thought It was fine.  My brother matt passed me at the top of the stairs.  He stopped dead in his tracks and told me to go and change.  I was ANNOYED.  But I changed...because if MY BROTHER noticed...surely other boys would. Sometimes I wanted to be noticed....but I'm glad that I had parents and a brother to look out for me.
   Modesty is something our world think is old fashioned.  But, it invites the spirit into our lives and reminds us to keep ourselves pure and clean. Its something I have recently rededicated myself to pay closer attention to.

What does it mean to be a Powerful Woman?

I have been pondering lately what I really WANT!  I have always wanted to be a STRONG woman! (like my mother)  But what does that really mean to me?   I have become FASCINATED with the lives of women from church history....Lucky Mack Smith, Emma Smith, Eliza R Snow (did you know her middle name was Roxcy!!?) and Mary Fielding Smith.  What AWE inspiring woman who fearlessly trusted in the Lord, served others, raised families, and supported their husbands.  THAT is what I want to be.

   In recent talks Julie B Beck has referred to women as "the Lioness" of their families.  What a POWERFUL symbol.  ( I wrote a previous post about that) Beauty and strength mingled into one! I have never thought of myself as a feisty person.....or even very brave.  I have never done anything very heroic by the worlds standards BUT...I am learning more and more that when you love God the worlds standards just don't matter.  AT ALL.  The world would tell you that its DEGRADING to stay home and raise your children....the world will tell you that dressing MODESTLY and being CHASTE is old fashioned.  The world will tell you that Marriages are expendable and that you should worry about YOUR needs always being met to your hearts desire!  But the spirit will tell you differently.   There is more POWER in a faithful woman who is kind, chaste, and courageous than the world can imagine.  If the Lord created this earth by His power...JUST IMAGINE what we could do if we enabled ourselves with it.   The Lord said in Matthew that if you have as much faith as a mustard seed you could move mountains.  LITERALLY!  Moses parted the red sea not with his staff (that was a symbol) but with his FAITH!  
  Have you ever held a MUSTARD SEED in your hand??!??  Its so TINY!

What does that tell me about how powerful I could be???  How much good I could do??  How much I should TRUST the Lord? It makes me think about how little faith I must have now....and how I want it to grow like a mustard seed.  Into what the Savior called the "greatest of all herbs".  Why??  Because it becomes a HUGE tree! HUGE!

  THAT is what being humble, meek, kind, chaste, patient will make you.   A HUGE TREE OF FAITH!  A shelter from the storm for all those "little birds" who are lost.  A firmly rooted example of POWER!  YES.....POWER!
      The world has accused Mormon women of being weak, even blind.....but I am pretty sure those people have NEVER worked a miracle by their faith and prayers.  When you have that kind of Faith and are flawlessly obedient..... we will be able to call upon heaven for miracles.  And they will come to pass according to His will.  I will  never let the worlds judement make me feel powerless again.  For although a spiritual woman might appear to the world as lowly..........The Lords power is INFINTE and it is ours through our faith.   DO you feel AWESOME YET!???  Seriously.  It changes the way you think about washing the dishes and changing diapers!!  Literally when we give our hearts and lives to Him I believe He  will make us more powerful and beautiful than we could possibly imagine.   Bless me with the faith to become such a woman!

Sigh of Contentment.........

Well...I had a a realization the other day. I am content!!!  CONTENT!  I know that seems like a weird comment but I am a girl who never stops....I require myself to live up to an impossible standard of trying to be perfect and you now what....I'm just not!!!  And I'm alright with it.  I ate a Dove Chocolate the other day(yes I eat too much chocolate)  and it said "its alright to be FLAWED and FABULOUS!!"  I've been thinking about how profound that is.  ONE that it came from a CHOCOLATE wrapper and TWO that is just what God must think of us...FABULOUSLY FLAWED and HE still loves me!  I honestly felt like shouting HALLELUJAH right then and there! 
   Sometimes I just need PERMISSION to not try and be so overwhelmingly perfect because I ALWAYS end up feeling like a failure! Because the truth is I am a failure at being perfect and I always will be!  BUT.....I look around me and I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I have a husband who I adore...who I find ridiculosly handsome and charming and who...after almost 9 years of marriage I still want to spend the rest of etermity with....to grow old together!! Now THAT is exciting!  I have 3 kids..who are beautiful, smart, incredibly demanding and difficult to parent some days..but they are mine and I adore them.  I have wonderful parents, inlaws, siblings and friends. 
    Sigh!  I love my life.  Somedays I forget that!  But God has been good to me!    There have been some not so fun times....I'm tired...I get frustrated and I sure have more bad hair days than good.  But....all said and done.  I'm CONTENT!  The Lord has done a great job thus far driving my life....to unexpected places no less....learning things I did not want to learn voluntarily...but.....nonetheless....I think I will just let Him keep driving.  And I am just going to go along for the ride and try not to Whine too much and try to see the beauty in all I have. 

See....I'm wacky....I cant take a normal picture....and I'm getting wrinkles....But I'm ok with it!  I'm Me and thats Just GREAT!