Goals REVISITED

Refer to previous Blog post post of my AMBITIOUS fitness goals......Did I reach my Christmas goal of being at PRE-Baby weight...............NOPE.  Did I try really really hard...YES.  Did I learn some VERY VALUABLE LESSONS ABOUT LIFE AND MYSELF........YEP.   Are those lessons worth the 4.2 lbs I have left between reality and that goal.   Yes!!!

Here is what I am learning.......slowly apparently...........


Sometimes you need a BREAK...............cue story of an insane two week period of CRAZY HUSBAND, INJURED CHILD, CRYING BABY, AND POTTY TRAINING DEFIANT TODDLER.   Lets just cut to the end and say I ended up passed out at work (literally :0 ) and in the ER.  Prescription from the attending MD : YOU NEED A BREAK (including food, sleep, and a little bit of quiet)......did that happen.....not really....I walked right back into my life 3 hours later (better hydrated from IV fluids) and went right back to the crying baby...and so on.   BUT....I am getting better at DEMANDING a break for myself....from myself.  I am getting better at taking a bath instead of doing the dishes...at taking a nap instead making an over ambitious dinner on Sundays and playing with my kids and ignoring the pile of laundry.  (I HATE LAUNDRY) I know the TYPE A in me is going to take my WHOLE LIFE to what husband calls "Learn to relax and SIT DOWN ALREADY!!!!!"  but I'm trying.....and I havent been to the ER lately. :)

ALL YOU CAN DO IS ALL YOU CAN DO......Its no secret I am SUPER motivated, and generally SUPER enthusiastic about things I think are important (cue spirit fingers...GO TEAM)  But sometimes I ....well... CANT DO EVERYTHING.   GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and guess what I learned.....I kind of like it!!!!  Some days its just more important to cuddle a teething baby then workout, do laundry or even shower.  Although not doing EVERYTHING I set out to do sometimes gives me anxiety......in the end doing what is MOST IMPORTANT usually trumps it.  And lets be honest..........there is no humanly possible way to finish a to do list a mile long with a potty training toddler.  So I am just not beating myself up about not being SUPER WOMAN everyday.  Because frankly she doesn't really exist in the way I thought she did.   What I can be SUPER at is giving all I have to what is most important in the moment, and leaving the rest to do when I can. 

DON'T GIVE UP BECAUSE YOU FALL ON YOUR FACE.........ask my friends....if there is something I'm famous for...its falling on my face..literally.  Its unfortunately genetic.  Thank heavens my children inherited their fathers cat like reflexes because uh....I have rather slow ones. =)  But, in life....who likes to fail?  Who likes to screw up?  Who likes to make mistakes?  Not me....but guess what.  Its inevitable.  So get over it.  Brush yourself off and start again. People may laugh at you...people may judge you...people may even dislike you...thats their problem.  In my opinion the only way you fail is if you stop trying.  So here I go again. 


Life is to precious to waste it being a STRESS CASE
The peanut butter smeared under the counter...the boots left in the middle of the floor....that pesky "junk drawer" that is already full of junk after you cleaned it last week........not worth my worries.  What should I worry about....becoming a kinder, better person.  I should worry about hugging my kids before they go off to school and not the fact they didn't get ready as fast as I told them to.   Its what my dad used to call "making a mountain out of a mole hill" (hated that expression as a kid) I am learning to look through the filter of "Is this REALLY important??"  "Is this of LASTING CONSEQUENCE??"  Its making me a little more patient...ok a lot more patient and a lot more forgiving of other people and of myself.   Because its true...the old saying....there is no use CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK....cause its just milk.   Now if its breast milk ...go ahead and cry. LOL That stuff is like GOLD. 

LIFE HAPPENS and guess what else.......ITS FREAKIN HARD!!!!!!!!!!  you know that expression "life is a bowl full of cherries" .....well guess what???  Some people HATE cherries....sometimes the birds eat all your cherries...and sometimes your cherries get worms.  TRUTH!!!!   So now what????   Embrace that its hard.  But those cherries are mad full of antioxidants and and if you eat them...you'll be stronger.   The only way you build more muscle on your body is to literally work your muscles so hard that they tear and build new muscle.  Ouch.  Life is unfortunately the same way.  As much as we may hate it in the moment, life hurts but we will come out stonger.  Sometimes you need a bandaid though....like a chocolate brownie...but don't quote me on that.

GOALS!!!

I figured out why I have never been "SuPER FIT"  scince high school.  I think its because I've always been "Fit enough".  I have always managed to stay within 10 lbs of my "ideal weight"...I have never felt super uncomfortable in my skin when I'm at my normal weight.  So, I get lazy....and then I get pregnant again.  LOL.   So THIS TIME once I get to my "normal weight' I want to push my body to see how strong it can be.   I have been in "marathon" shape....but after the marathon I once again...GOT LAZY.    So here is a years worth of GOALS.....I'm gonna do it!!!



Tier one (deadline Halloween)
Break back into the 130's
Finish INSANITY
Incentive: get my hair done at the salon...not out of a box

Tier 2 (deadline Christmas)
 REACH Pre-BABY weight 132
Half marathon shape (10 mile training run)
Incentive:  TURBOFIRE  and NIKE FREE shoes for Christmas

Tier 3 (deadline VALENTINES DAY!!!)
Break into the 120's 
Finish P90X
Incentive: overnight getway with Jeff,  registration for TWO races (hopefully the TOP OF UTAH and ST. George Marathon)

Tier 4 (Memorial day!!! POOL OPENS!!)
Finish Turbofire and Brazilian Butt lift 
Marathon shape (20 mile training run)  
Incentive: FINALLY being able to wear those string bikini bottoms, a new swim suit,
             

Tier 5  FALL 2013
run a marathon in under 4 hours
Finish Insanity or P90X again
Incentive: New boots and new jeans for fall


BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ready...Set....GOOOOOOOO

So here I am blogging again.   My fourth baby (and may I say UBER CUTE BABY) is  3 1/2 months old.  I am finally getting sleep (ok more sleep...still not enough) and feeling like myself again.  So its time to kick it into HIGH GEAR.   Its MOMMY MAKEOVER TIME!!!!!    and you know what??  I am NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!!!!! Nope NOT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!  Why??  Because if I am the BEST ME I am the BEST MOM!!!  
    I've been working out HARD (INSANITY) for two weeks and it feels AMAZING.  My body is getting stronger...and I am SO MUCH HAPPIER!!!  Its a LOT easier to dedicate every second of the rest of your day to caring for MINI PEEPS if you've taken time for yourself first!!! 
    So as in the words of Beachbody.com, Its TIME to Decide, Commit and SUCCEED!!!!  I have this swim suit I bought a long time ago which I accidentally bought the wrong bottoms to....they are those tie on the side, show every extra pound kind. Well,  I ended up buying another bottom that covered well, more of my bottom.....but every summer I try those "tiny" bottoms on and think...next yea I will look good enough to wear these.   Well guess what.....NEXT SUMMER I AM GOING TO DO IT.   When my baby turns 1 and my oldest turns 8 in May, and the pool opens, I am finally going to do it.
    I always look at those SUPER FIT women and think ...yeah but I have four kids...yeah but I work nights...yeah but but but but.....WHO CARES.  I may be 30 (yuck), I may have 4 kids (cute ones), I may work nights, I may have a husband in Grad school(2 yrs to go)..............
BUT I AM SO TIRED OF MY OWN EXCUSES!!!!  

Its time to get out of my own way.......

READY, SET, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......

There is is...............Is on my bedroom wall..........

Next time it comes off I'M GOING TO WEAR IT!!!!

I am a CHEERLEADER, and I'm PROUD OF IT!

  When you think of the word CHEERLEADER, what are the first three words that come to your mind?  Dont feel bad if they aren't nice ones; you'd be in the majority.  I'm sure most of us can understand that it is a stereotype; at least most the time.  Yet, nonetheless, cheerleaders (especially high school)  are not thought of very nicely.  Why is that?  Because it's true? Maybe sometimes.  Because we're jealous?  Maybe sometimes. Or, is it that for some reason our culture decided to label them that way?  Yes; unfortunately. Recently, I posed this same question to my facebook friends. (thanks friends!!) Here is a sample of their answers:

When you think of the word CHEERLEADER, what are the first three words that come to your mind?

Texas, Murder, Blonde

Bubbly, Pretty, Crazy

Popular, Superficial, Skinny

Clique, Hair, Repetitive 

Spunky, Althletic, Crazy

Fun,Exciting, Loud

Fun, Annoying, Fit

Cute, Bubbly, Football

Athletic, Energetic, Pretty

Blonde. Ditz. That's pretty much it.

Fun, Athletic, Cheerful

Cute, Vain, Outgoing 

Stuck-up, vain, and Annoying   

Blonde/Ditz , Mean, Easy

Melissa Anne Bradley

Yes, those last three words are MY FULL (maiden) NAME.   Literally, my two BEST friends think of ONLY ME when they hear the word Cheerleader.  It used to bother me, that even NOW(at almost 30), I am associated with a word that has such NEGATIVE connotations.  Yet,  I'm coming to understand, that it's for a reason.   I AM A CHEERLEADER. I always will be a Cheerleader, and I'm proud of that.

My CHEERLEADING STORY 

When I was in 8th grade I fell in LOVE with tumbling. Who wouldn't love doing standing back flips?!?  SO FUN!!  By the time I was entering high school I decided to try out for the sophomore cheerleading squad.  After all, I was LOUD, energetic, and I loved to TUMBLE.  Cheerleading  just seemed to fit my athletic ability and my personality.  What I didn't fully realize is that the STEREOTYPE of cheerleaders didn't.
Referring back to the list above, the second to last three words are MINE.  They are : Blonde/Ditz, Mean, and Easy.  Why, if I WAS a cheerleader, would I think of those 3 very negative words FIRST?  There is an easy answer.  It's NOT because that is how cheerleaders ACTUALLY ARE.  Trust me, I was around a lot of them.  It is because those are the words that I HATED being labeled as MOST, just by wearing the uniform.  I'm going to briefly touch on each of those three words.

BLONDE/DITZ

I have always been an excellent student. My parents strongly encouraged me to do my best and set my goals high.  Still, as adult, I love to read, write, and learn new things.  Why is it that people think Cheerleaders (and women with Blonde hair) have nothing valuable to say or contribute??  It baffles me.  Wearing a skirt and having pom poms DOES NOT SUCK OUT YOUR BRAIN!!!!!  I know that....because I still have one....and a college degree. 

MEAN

Often cheerleaders are considered to be the "queen bee" of high school.  But, more often than not, PEOPLE (especially girls) HATE THEM.  Why?  Because they ASSUME they are STUCK UP AND MEAN!!!!  Are some of them MEAN??  ABSOLULETLY!!  But honestly, teenage girls in general can be so vindictive, conniving and awful to each other....its not JUST the cheerleader.  

I was raised in a household where we were taught to be kind; even to people who were not kind to us.  It REALLY bothered me that all the sudden when I became a cheerleader people just ASSUMED I was stuck up and mean.  I love people.  I love to be kind to people.  It fills my life with joy.  Everyone has bad days and can be mean, but its the exception, not the rule.  I truly believe that all people are inherently good.  God made us that way.  He is good, so we are good.  We CHOOSE to be mean.  We are not inherently so.  Just because you are a cheerleader, does NOT mean you have to choose to be mean, condescending, or snotty. 

 EASY (or whatever your version is of it....my mom's was "loose")

This one is the hardest for me to swallow. Of all of all three of  these stereotypes, it bothered me the most. It still does. I was raised to be modest and chaste in word, deed, and dress.  The first time I put on my cheer skirt I ABOUT DIED.  It was sooooo SHORT!  My dad would NEVER have let me out of the house in shorts that short!!!  But, it was a UNIFORM and my parents didnt even bat and eye.

I will tell you who did MORE than just bat their eyes.   I will NEVER forget the first day I wore my cheer uniform to school.  I should have been proud. Right? After all, I was head of the Sophomore cheer squad. Yet, mostly, I was mortified.   I vividly remember walking down the main hallway at Orem High School.  There was a bench full of Senior boys.  As I walked past they made comments I wont repeat, whistled, ect. ect.   I went into the bathroom and cried.  I felt so used.  Imagine my relief when we got  to wear leggings underneath our skirts in the winter, or jeans and our Cheer sweaters.   Over time, I got used to the uniform (which I'm not sure is good)....but it sure made me realize that HOW I DRESSED affected how boys looked at me, and thought about my standards.

In my time as a high school cheerleader...

I learned a very valuable lesson.

DONT LET SOMEONE (or a stereotype) SQUASH WHO YOU ARE JUST BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU SHOULD BE SOMETHING ELSE!!!!

Why?  because God made you the way you are for a REASON.  And ONLY YOU CAN BE THAT REASON.  

The past 11 years since high school  I have become a many things. I am a friend, a registered nurse, a wife, and mother.  As I have spent my time learning and growing in each of those areas , I have come to realize that the saying "Some things never change" is very true.   When I wrap an arm around the mother of an ill child and give encouragement,  I am a cheerleader.  When I  decorate crutches, or the bed of a child who is struggling to overcome illness or injury, I am a cheerleader.  When I hug my husband after an exhuasting day at school or work, I am a cheerleader.  When I urge my husband to accomplish his dreams, I am a cheerleader.  When I clap for my child taking their first steps, or writing their name, or learning to read,  I am a Cheerleader.  

What we SHOULD think of when we hear the word CHEERLEADER is EXACTLY....what is spelled out in the word.   CHEER and LEAD.   When we enthusiastically CHEER for someone, or even ourselves, how infectious is it??  Cheerleading is encouragement by example.  It is positivity, energy, optimism, faith, and enthusiasm.  EVERYONE NEEDS a CHEERLEADER in their life.  We all need some one to tell us we can make it after falling on our face. (ask my friends and family, I have a knack for tripping and falling on my face). 
 
In truth,  CHEERLEADERS really are the people who everyone wants to be around, and EVERYONE CAN AND SHOULD STRIVE TO BE A CHEERLEADER. We just don't call them CHEERLEADERS. Who doesn't want to be with someone, or be that someone, who see's greatness in everyone.  Who unites people in a cause and pushes through adversity??  Who waives their arms and shouts YOU'RE NUMBER ONE when you feel like you are already losing??  Who doesn't need someone in their life to tell them that they can finish the race, and that they will be there holding a banner when they get there.  


I am not saying that everyone needs to wear a tiny outfit and shake glittery pom poms (although I do ADORE pom poms.)  I AM SAYING that the world could use a LOT more Cheerleaders.  We should be cheering for our families, our friends, our neighbors, our communities, our leaders, and OUR VALUES.  We CAN make a difference, even if it's only to one person, it will make the world a better place.  Try it and see.  Pick ONE person to be a CHEERLEADER to.  See if you don't change the world ONE PERSON AT A TIME.  

 I have been told SO MANY TIMES that I was born to be a Cheerleader.  They are right.  I am a CHEERLEADER, and I'm PROUD of it.  

The PRESENT

The word PRESENT is what we call a HOMONYM in the English language.  Meaning, it has multiple meanings for the same word.  My first grader often finds this either annoying or funny as she is learning to read and comprehend new things. When she encounters a homonym, silent letters, or  K and C that sound alike, she often asks me WHY???  My response.....Because the English language is stupid. (is there a better answer??)  To be completely honest Spanish makes so much more sense!!!   That said....HOMONYMS sometimes PRESENT us with an "AHA MOMENT."  A sudden revelation how things relate to each other in a way we had not previously thought of.   I had one of those this past week.
  Since the week before Thanksgiving  I have been busily checking PRESENTS off my childrens Christmas lists (as well as my own)  in hopes to not leave shopping to the last minute and avoid feeling stressed during this very magical time .   As I purchased PRESENT after PRESENT I began to really reflect on what it is I REALLY WANTED MOST THIS YEAR!!!   WHAT PRESENT did I want to give to myself????   WHAT PRESENT DID I MOST WANT TO GIVE TO MY CHILDREN???? Then is dawned on me..............

The most precious PRESENT we can give to ourselves and our loved ones is............. to be PRESENT in the PRESENT!!!!

(Did you like all those HOMONYMS???

As a busy mother of three (and a third =) )with a husband in grad school, I have a long list of things to do that often occupy my every PRESENT moment.   I have taken notice lately that while I might "look" like I am listening to my 4 yr old tell me another account of Spiderman or my Six year old babble about her day at school I am not really PRESENT.   And guess what???  THEY CAN TELL!!!!  Even my 23 month old baby has picked up the phrase "Listen to ME!!!"  and he's not even 2!!!!   Time for mom to re-evaluate her priorities and her focus.

MY CHILDREN and my SPOUSE are the things I treasure most.  Our lives are busy......but often just because when we are doing one thing....my brain has moved onto the next.   I have come to realize that by not being PRESENT in the PRESENT I am missing the moments that bring the most JOY!  Just this morning my four year old came to tell me that his brother had a dirty diaper.......for the next five minutes I chased my little William around the kitchen table while he yelled "STINKY STINKY" at the top of his lungs.   It would have been a lot quicker to corner him and drag him in to have his diaper changed....but in five minutes time we were all laughing hysterically and still ended up with the job done.  Earlier my Jeffrey had come upstairs for breakfast to find me on the couch reading a book.  I could have jumped up to get his cereal before he asked for it....but instead I put down my book and opened my arms.....into which he quickly snuggled.  Soon enough, he (and his siblings) were asking for cereal....but not before I had squeezed in a cuddle with my tender boy.
Earlier today I read another blogpost that I loved in which a mother describes how her own mother had treated her :

When I was growing up, my parents never treated me as an annoyance.  They were so loving and patient with me, and I never went to bed wondering where I stood with them.

Many times, I would walk into my mom's room and find her kneeling at the side of her bed in prayer.  She would immediately stop, look up at me, and hold out her arms so I would come give her a hug and tell her what I needed.

One day I asked, "Mom, what do you tell God when I interrupt your prayer?"

She replied, "I just say that my child needs me, and I'll be right back."


I am sure that God wants us to be PRESENT in our lives.  He wants us to love and enjoy the wonderful family and friends that we have been blessed with to the fullest.  The people we love don't feel loved when they think we are not paying attention to them.  Even my (almost) two year old knows when I am distracted!!!  My six year old often chides me "Mom??? you're not listening"  I am listening.....but I am not PRESENT.  My children DESERVE a mother who is PRESENT.  After all....do  we feel truly LOVED by someone who acts like the only "sort of" care about them???  No.  We don't.  I want my children to feel my love.  To KNOW I love them!!!  I WANT to be PRESENT in the PRESENT....but HOW??? How in the world do I change my mindset????  How do I change my "always doing something" personality to slow down and be PRESENT in the PRESENT.

I have been earnestly thinking and (praying) about this the past few days.  Then came these wise words into my mind......THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT!!!!  (go ahead and laugh....Steve Jobs is sending me inspiration from heaven.  LOL) Thats it!  My IPHONE!!!  The soulution was that easy. I started to jot down funny little moments I spent with my kids in my I phone Lists. (because you KNOW I'm never without my phone).  To my surprise, what I noticed, is that by LOOKING for those little moments on a daily basis I was HAPPIER!!!!!  I STOPPED MY BULDOZER BRAIN in mid-thought to EJNOY what was happening in my house at the PRESENT.   I sure laughed a lot more as I watched my kids without annoyance and allowed them to do things in their own way and own time.   Jeffrey rolling himself in his blanket to the bathroom to brush his teeth may have taken 2 more minutes but instead of nagging him to HURRY I had a good laugh instead.  The same thing when Caitlyn was "Bum dancing" her way down the stairs to bed after family prayers.   I smiled....I laughed......I was PRESENT.   and you know what???.....It felt like a PRESENT. 

  I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for his patience with me as I learn to me a mother, a wife, and a follower of Jesus Christ.   He is EVER PRESENT in my life.  He always answers.  He is always there.  I hope in this Season of PRESENTS I can keep Him in my PRESENT.  I know that is the greatest PRESENT I can give to Him.

Modesty

Modesty.  A Hallmark of an LDS woman.  It has been something I have been thinking about a lot lately. 

I wanted to share a funny expereince I had in Walmart a few months ago.   I was shopping with my kids and I wandered by the swim suits.  As I was looking through them a group of about 5 teenage girls came over and were looking through the racks.  One of them held up a swim suit to herself and said to another "well?" to which the other said "Remember...MODEST IS THE HOTTEST".   Then they all laughed and moved on to another section of the store.  As they walked away I noticed that each of them were dressed modetly (granted it was Febuary).  I honestly wanted to run up and hug them all.  To tell them that I was PROUD of them for encouraging eachother to be modest.  I wanted to call and congratulate their mothers for teaching them modesty.  I will never forget that saying for as long as I live.  It will be a story I relate to my own daughter as she grows.
    I was reminded of a talk I heard by Susan Bednar when I was at Ricks college on modesty.  It really does reflect a respect for our bodies and for our relationship with the Lord.  Its a GREAT talk.  Here is the link http://www.byui.edu/Presentations/Transcripts/MiscellaneousAddresses/2001_09_16_Bednarsusan.htm
  I remember being in high school.  I never felt very pretty or attractive and I SURE never understood the way my dress affected boys.  But I do remember the first time I went to school in my Cheerleading Uniform.  I remember being a naieve Sophmore in that tiny little skirt.  I remember walking by a bench full of Senior boys who said somethings I will not repeat.  I did not feel attractive.....I felt dirty and used.  What was I supposed to do???  I had to wear that uniform to school every game day.  It was awkward and because I had been raised in house where modesty was expected it was difficult for me. 
  I also remember a night I was heading out the door to a school dance.  I had just bought this hot pink shirt that I LOVED.  It was really tight...but it was long enough, had a high neckline, and it had sleeves so I thought It was fine.  My brother matt passed me at the top of the stairs.  He stopped dead in his tracks and told me to go and change.  I was ANNOYED.  But I changed...because if MY BROTHER noticed...surely other boys would. Sometimes I wanted to be noticed....but I'm glad that I had parents and a brother to look out for me.
   Modesty is something our world think is old fashioned.  But, it invites the spirit into our lives and reminds us to keep ourselves pure and clean. Its something I have recently rededicated myself to pay closer attention to.

What does it mean to be a Powerful Woman?

I have been pondering lately what I really WANT!  I have always wanted to be a STRONG woman! (like my mother)  But what does that really mean to me?   I have become FASCINATED with the lives of women from church history....Lucky Mack Smith, Emma Smith, Eliza R Snow (did you know her middle name was Roxcy!!?) and Mary Fielding Smith.  What AWE inspiring woman who fearlessly trusted in the Lord, served others, raised families, and supported their husbands.  THAT is what I want to be.

   In recent talks Julie B Beck has referred to women as "the Lioness" of their families.  What a POWERFUL symbol.  ( I wrote a previous post about that) Beauty and strength mingled into one! I have never thought of myself as a feisty person.....or even very brave.  I have never done anything very heroic by the worlds standards BUT...I am learning more and more that when you love God the worlds standards just don't matter.  AT ALL.  The world would tell you that its DEGRADING to stay home and raise your children....the world will tell you that dressing MODESTLY and being CHASTE is old fashioned.  The world will tell you that Marriages are expendable and that you should worry about YOUR needs always being met to your hearts desire!  But the spirit will tell you differently.   There is more POWER in a faithful woman who is kind, chaste, and courageous than the world can imagine.  If the Lord created this earth by His power...JUST IMAGINE what we could do if we enabled ourselves with it.   The Lord said in Matthew that if you have as much faith as a mustard seed you could move mountains.  LITERALLY!  Moses parted the red sea not with his staff (that was a symbol) but with his FAITH!  
  Have you ever held a MUSTARD SEED in your hand??!??  Its so TINY!

What does that tell me about how powerful I could be???  How much good I could do??  How much I should TRUST the Lord? It makes me think about how little faith I must have now....and how I want it to grow like a mustard seed.  Into what the Savior called the "greatest of all herbs".  Why??  Because it becomes a HUGE tree! HUGE!

  THAT is what being humble, meek, kind, chaste, patient will make you.   A HUGE TREE OF FAITH!  A shelter from the storm for all those "little birds" who are lost.  A firmly rooted example of POWER!  YES.....POWER!
      The world has accused Mormon women of being weak, even blind.....but I am pretty sure those people have NEVER worked a miracle by their faith and prayers.  When you have that kind of Faith and are flawlessly obedient..... we will be able to call upon heaven for miracles.  And they will come to pass according to His will.  I will  never let the worlds judement make me feel powerless again.  For although a spiritual woman might appear to the world as lowly..........The Lords power is INFINTE and it is ours through our faith.   DO you feel AWESOME YET!???  Seriously.  It changes the way you think about washing the dishes and changing diapers!!  Literally when we give our hearts and lives to Him I believe He  will make us more powerful and beautiful than we could possibly imagine.   Bless me with the faith to become such a woman!

Sigh of Contentment.........

Well...I had a a realization the other day. I am content!!!  CONTENT!  I know that seems like a weird comment but I am a girl who never stops....I require myself to live up to an impossible standard of trying to be perfect and you now what....I'm just not!!!  And I'm alright with it.  I ate a Dove Chocolate the other day(yes I eat too much chocolate)  and it said "its alright to be FLAWED and FABULOUS!!"  I've been thinking about how profound that is.  ONE that it came from a CHOCOLATE wrapper and TWO that is just what God must think of us...FABULOUSLY FLAWED and HE still loves me!  I honestly felt like shouting HALLELUJAH right then and there! 
   Sometimes I just need PERMISSION to not try and be so overwhelmingly perfect because I ALWAYS end up feeling like a failure! Because the truth is I am a failure at being perfect and I always will be!  BUT.....I look around me and I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I have a husband who I adore...who I find ridiculosly handsome and charming and who...after almost 9 years of marriage I still want to spend the rest of etermity with....to grow old together!! Now THAT is exciting!  I have 3 kids..who are beautiful, smart, incredibly demanding and difficult to parent some days..but they are mine and I adore them.  I have wonderful parents, inlaws, siblings and friends. 
    Sigh!  I love my life.  Somedays I forget that!  But God has been good to me!    There have been some not so fun times....I'm tired...I get frustrated and I sure have more bad hair days than good.  But....all said and done.  I'm CONTENT!  The Lord has done a great job thus far driving my life....to unexpected places no less....learning things I did not want to learn voluntarily...but.....nonetheless....I think I will just let Him keep driving.  And I am just going to go along for the ride and try not to Whine too much and try to see the beauty in all I have. 

See....I'm wacky....I cant take a normal picture....and I'm getting wrinkles....But I'm ok with it!  I'm Me and thats Just GREAT!

I'm SUCH A REBEL!

So....that's a GIGANTIC LIE!  I am about as straight laced...mormon...conservative...as they come.  BUT...today I did something DARING.

(that I have always wanted to do....but never had the guts)   

I DYED MY HAIR RED!

Ok so its reddish brown.... but its pretty shocking from dirty blonde.   

It felt SO LIBERATING.  

and truley I LOVE IT. (and surprisingly Jeff does too ) 

I think I will keep it this way until March or so.    

Then...as if it could get any better...I spent a WHOLE 25 bucks on MYSELF!!!  I bought a few flirty little dresses and leggings on clearance at Walmart.  

One thing my momma taught me......

was how to ROCK THE RACK!! 

Seriously though....I have to hand it to Miley Cirus for helping me keep my wardrobe fresh for close to NOTHING.  Granted ...I do mix her things with ADULT things ....so It works. Actually it ROCKS.  I LOVE HER SKINNY JEANS. (I have black and grey) and....I rock them like I was 17 =) AND I'M PROUD OF IT!

So...I wore this cute little brown t shirt dress with a braided belt( 5$)....cream leggings (6$).....and Yellow moccasin flats (old navy last year 6$ clearance) and my RED HAIR from a box (7$)   GRAND TOTAL HEAD TO TOE......24$ 

and I felt like a super model. 

No .... BETTER than a SUPER MODEL.  

I FELT LIKE ME!!

A HAPPY..... FASHIONABLE...not too young...not too old....beautiful...powerful....wife....mother....woman.  

It was AMAZING.

If you have to change diapers and be drooled on.....

...love it....and look GREAT DOING IT!

5 yrs ago............

Today is Cailtyns birhtday (for about 10 more minutes).  She is 5 today.  yes 5!!!  I have been very emotional today.  (probably mostly from lack of sleep).  I remember the amazing moment it was to hold my first baby in my arms.  A child of mine, a child of God.  I can't think about the experience without tears.  I am so blessed to be a mother of 3 beautiful children.  I cherish each of them.  I am so grateful that theLord trusted me enough to make me a mother.  Its SO diffucult sometimes.  But a dream come true. 

I told Caitlyn that today was like Mothers Day for me.  She didn't get it.  Haha.  But my heart is full.  Full of Joy!

I love you CJ!  Happy Birthday.

Ever thought of TRIALS like THIS??!?!!

   

    There have been times in my life when trials have come upon me and I have doubted why? Why me? But...as I continue to move forward through my little life I have witnessed time and time again the Lords mercy.  His tender mercies are so abundant. He has carried me many difficult days. And I am stronger....well I, of my ownself am not stronger.  I am stronger because my FAITH in Him is stronger. 
   I have been thinking a lot the past year about WHY we have trials.  I personally always figured that they were to teach ME something about myself.  Apparently this is NOT the ONLY reason for trials.  I have recently come to cherish the story of the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon.  They were a select group of righteous believers who were converted by Alma (who was a preist of the wicked king Noah) and were baptized in the waters of Mormon. They then were warned by the Lord and fled for their lives. They finally settled and built up a people unto the Lord.  Then...the Lamanites found them....and put them into bondage....under NO WICKEDNESS OF THEIR OWN.  Why???  Why would the Lord do this to a faithful people.  Ahhhh.....I LOVE THE BOOK OF MORMON!!!  Listen to the end of the story......

Mosiah Chapter 24
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

HOW AMAZING!  Our trials AREN'T ALWAYS JUST FOR US!  They allow us to gain FAITH, exercise that Faith and then BEAR TESTIMONY OF THE LORD's DELIEVERANCE!!!  OUR TRAILS ARE FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS......THROUGH OUR TESTIMONIES!  Staggering thought.
      
And....look how these people endured their trials................

Vs 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

Oh how I want to be more like them.  Happy and Patient.....waiting always upon the WILL OF THE LORD.  NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TOOK.  Truly their trials....were for OUR BENEFIT.  Truly their examples were to BEAR WITNESS.  Now its my turn.

My NEW Favorite TALK EVER!!!

I'm loving the conference issue of the Ensign.  I am especially liking Julie B Becks talk “And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit”  link here http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-3,00.html

Here are my  FAVORITE parts......and why.....
1.
"The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. "
OK....see me previous post "Lioness at the Gate" (also about a Julie B Beck talk)  about how this should be our #1 priorety.    This is a staggering concept for me.  Personal Revelation is more important than FOOD!!  Its the only thing that will ensure our families ETERNAL SALVATION.  Pretty IMPORTANT.   BUT HOW DO I DO THAT?????  and....here comes my next favorite part.

2.
  "Insight found in scripture accumulates over time, so it is important to spend some time in the scriptures every day. "  
So here is the ANSWER....READ YOUR SCRIPTURES......EVERY EVERY DAY!!!  So true....when I am reading my scriptures daily I feel so much more patient, focused and close to the spirit.  I am REALLY going to have to do better. Maybe I should not allow myself real food until I have my SPIRITUAL food for the day...(as I sit here eating my egg and english muffin =) ) THAT would for SURE motivate me....haha.

3.
 "....mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children."
 OH this is a HARD ONE!!  Sometimes I feel like my screaming fighting children do nothing but drive the spirit right out the front door.  And then....disciplining them SURELY seems to do so.  I have GOT to be MORE PATIENT.  I can not afford to loose the spirit because my kids poured cereal out all over the house or are intent on beating each other up or refuse to take naps.  I'm just going to have to speak more kindly and PRAY more earnestly for patience.  NO LAUGHING....SHE SAYS IT CAN BE DONE....It's going to take me my WHOLE LIFE to figure this one out. Ready.........GO!

4.

".... Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times."
 I love the imagery in this quote.....Oh how I NEED to feel BATHED in help from the Lord.  Life is HAAAAAAAAARRRRD!   Really Hard sometimes. (ok all the time right now) Sometimes its so easy for me to be frustrated and overwhelmed.  I often just DECIDE to let myself be grumpy and stressed out.  But if I REALLY BELIEVE that my LIFE IS IN THE LORDS HANDS then I should be able to just let HIM BATHE ME IN THE SPIRIT OF PEACE.

which brings me to my MOST FAVORITE PART.......

5.
The second general Relief Society president, Eliza R. Snow, said this to the sisters: “We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones. In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help to prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the Kingdom of God. . . . Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities.”<sup>8

WOW!!!! WOW! WOW!
This is MY REALITY CHECK!!!!  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself when life is hard and realize that the LORD will grant all my righteous wishes and desires in due time.  Amazing Idea.  In other words....STOP WHINING!   Be happy!!!!!  This is the Lords plan and He needs me to be POWERFUL not PITUFUL!    Seriously.  Amazing.  Inspiring!!!!!  

Here I go......Trying to be " a Lady</sup>  in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones^"

Diamonds

Diamond (from the ancient Greek αδάμας – adámas "unbreakable") 

Diamonds were said to have originated in India about three thousand years ago and were valued primarily because of their brilliance. In those early days of diamond history, people thought diamonds were mystical stones that could be used to ward off evil spirits or as protection from harm.

Some believed they were good protective talismans for battle. At a certain point, diamonds were even thought to be powerful magical gems that could heal wounds or even cure sickness! By the time the Middle Ages came, the lore surrounding the so-called mystical stones had dwindled, and public interest in the aesthetic and commercial value of diamonds perked up. Giving diamond wedding rings to bride-to-be’s turned into a trend after Duke Maximilian of Austria presented Mary of Burgundy with a diamond ring as his betrothal gift in 1477.n later years, after the Indian diamond supply had diminished, a few smaller mines were discovered in Brazil and Borneo. These, however, were not enough to address the rising demand for diamond wedding rings and other jewelry. A sizable supply of diamonds was found in South Africa sometime in the 1800s, which set the precedent for the world’s largest diamond rush.

It wasn’t until the later part of the 1970’s that the world’s richest diamond deposits was discovered near Lake Argyle in Australia. To date, a significant percentage of the world’s diamonds are supplied by the Argyle mines. With this development, diamond wedding rings and other jewelry have become so much more available to the public.

Diamond has remarkable optical characteristics. Because of its extremely rigid lattice, it can be contaminated by very few types of impurities

 Diamond is the hardest natural material known

 Most natural diamonds are formed at high-pressure high-temperature (between approximately 900–1300 °C) conditions existing at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 120 mi) in the Earth


I find this all very interesting in relation to the fact that most people have diamond wedding rings.  Interesting that it has become the SYMBOL of Marriage.  If only the world would really think about that.


Marriage....should be unbreakable

Marriage....should be the STRONGEST relationship on earth.  IMPENETRABLE by anything or anyone.  

Marriages should  perfected over time and through enormous amounts of pressure.


Marriage should be considered our greatest treasure


Imagine what the world would be like if everyone who wore a diamond on their finger as a symbol of their marriage......worked to have a marriage with the qualities of the diamond that symbolizes it?????? STAGGERING THOUGHT!

I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God
I believe that marriage, sealed in the Holy Temple by the Holy Priesthood, is ETERNAL  

Someday....in a million years.....after we have passed through this life and journeyed into the world beyond.....I hope MY MARRIAGE sparkles brilliantly..... 
Because it is my most precious treasure.....and because I took care to treat it as such. 

The Lioness at the gate......

Today was our Regional Conference.  By the time I wresteled all 3 kids into their church clothes...and grudgingly found myself something to wear that fits, (blasted baby wieght =)) and got to the VERY crowded Stake Center....I was not feeling "full of the spirit" thats for sure.  But nonetheless...as Jeff and I had discussed that morning....we were being faithful...even when we REALLY would rather have stayed home in our pajamas than brave a 2 hour meeting with the kids.
   Oh I am so grateful that I went.  Elder Hales, Sister Julie Beck, AND Elder Eyring!!  What a spiritual meeting.  Even between reading to my kids, picking up crayons, and stuffing them with fruit snacks to keep them quiet....the spirit was AMAZING. 
    
      Sister Beck spoke of Rebekah from the Bible.  She was a woman who understood the plan.  She was a woman who trusted in the Lord.  She was a woman through which all of ISREAL would come forth.  Think what would have happened if she had faltered???  Think how PIVOTAL her role and that of Sarah, and Rachel as well..... Women of Faith, Courage, and Determination to serve the Lord.
   Sister Beck stated that each of us are as important in our day as Rebekah was in hers.  Each of us has the responsibility to raise a righteous posterity to the Lord.  The consequences of doing so, or not, are UNMEASURABLE. 
   We are what she called "the Lioness at the gate".   WE decide what will and will not enter our homes.  If something is not important to us....it will not be important to our posterity.  The influence  which we have on our own families and on Gods kingdom is VITAL.   As the saying goes "if mom aint happy nobody is happy"......but does that also work for personal righteousness???  If mom isnt righteous......What are the consequences...or the blessings??? 

For me the hardest part of Motherhood is often feeling like what I am doing doesn't matter.  Doing dishes, reading stories 200 times, changing diapers, driving kids to and from activities....it often seems so UNimportant.  It is SO easy as a mother to feel like an exhausted doormat.  
 
 Sister Beck taught there are 3 ways to catagorize our priorities. 
ESSENTIAL, IMPORTANT, and NICE. 

ESSENTIAL
 Personal Revelation
all things that help us RECEIVE personal revelation (cue sunday school answers)
Teaching our children the gospel

IMPORTANT
Physical needs of self and family (bills, dishes,laundry)
Making house a HOME

NICE
Personal Hobbies
Time with friends
Travel
etc.

These were MY thoughts.....Having the spirit with me everyday is MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD!  It is more important that dishes, exercise, laundry, and friends.  Having the spirit with me entitles me to the personal revelation on HOW to be the LIONESS AT THE GATE.   It is what will not only save ME but it will save my FAMILY.  
   I have to admit there are too many days I do laundry and do not remember my prayers...or scriptures.  For the most part.....according to these guidelines....my priorities need to be revisited.  I need to focus more on what will SPIRITUALLY save our lives....because THAT is what matters most.

And, in general, I need to remember that I am a literal DAUGHTER OF GOD and that my mission here is to bring my family back to him.  There is NO TIME to wallow in feeling small and insignificant. Raising a righteous posterity is my mission because it is the Lords mission.  I am the Lioness at the gate.  It is MY JOB to fiercely protect my family.

"For this is my work and my Glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man"
Moses 1:39




note: this entry includes no direct quotes from sister Julie Beck, only an overview of my feelings and impressions of her talk today.

Here I go AGAIN.....

Does anyone have a baby and then say...... I want MORE??!!?  Seriously??  ...apparently I do.  Recently  I was looking at my sleeping 4 month old and I said to myself (i'm the queen of inner dialogue...which sometimes I speak out loud...don't be alarmed) "Wow...I want ANOTHER one of these!"  Then I GASPED in spite of myself.  Did I REALLY JUST SAY THAT???  After I have spent the last 4 months being puked on, peed on, and listening to crying screaming children???  Yes.  Yes I did.
   
Oh how quickly I forgot that I HATE being pregnant and feeling like CONCRETE and having no brain for 2 months after the birth because I haven't slept.  I haven't even figured out a way to drop the last 10 lbs from THIS baby??!!!  But, nonetheless I DO want another one.  Possibly 3 more.....call me crazy.  I'll save you the trouble.....I'll call MYSELF crazy.....Missy, You're CRAZY!

Ummmm...that BUGS!

Ok...so maybe there are too many stupid things that bug me. But....boys running with their shirts off is one of them. GRRRRRR! Flabby blabby or six pack and sexy I don't give a hoot! I CANT FREAKIN RUN WITH MY SHIRT OFF SO WHY SHOULD YOU! Ok....maybe I'm just jealous that other people can find time or energy to go running. (since I apparently cant with my two kids and commuting husband.) But...I am not changing my opinion EVER! and I mean it!

I mean...HONESTLY!

Have you ever been in a conversation with a bunch of women and felt like raising your hand and asking...Hello? What planet am I on? When did women talk only about shopping and hair? Come ON! Have I EVER bought a pair of shoes over 50$ no. Do I really only get a shower every other day...or every three days? YES! Ok so how normal does that make me? VERY! So since I'm not running very much anymore I am dedicating my blog to the discussion of something more important.....HOW NORMAL AM I....honestly! Ok so being a mother of 2 and driving a mini van at age 26 makes me pretty not so normal anyway! (ok outside of Utah!)

I took 4th in my Division!!! Woohooo!!!!

Not too bad for my first race post baby...and the winner of the whole race was in my division (she was freakin fast!!!)

Place	Name	City	Bib No	Age	Overall	Chip Time	Gun Time	Diff	Time Back	Pace
1	Rena Chesser		828	25	1	18:41.8	18:43.5	0:01.7		6:02/M
2	Michael Nelson	Lehi UT	397	26	4	19:50.9	19:53.3	0:02.4	1:09.8	6:25/M
3	Jillian Himes	Provo UT	157	26	25	23:56.7	23:59.2	0:02.5	5:15.7	7:44/M
4	Melissa Reber	Provo UT	353	25	40	25:21.4	25:34.9	0:13.4	6:51.4	8:15/M
5	Amber Hampshire	Draper UT	221	26	48	25:51.6	26:05.4	0:13.7	7:21.9	8:25/M
6	Suzy Taylor	Saratoga Sprgs UT	171	28	53	26:23.1	26:36.3	0:13.1	7:52.8	8:35/M
7	Cally Gillman	Lehi UT	113	27	66	27:28.4	27:28.4		8:44.9	8:52/M
8	Rebekah Rasmussen		833	28	77	28:03.1	28:03.1		9:19.6	9:03/M
9	Jamie Christensen	Lehi UT	419	28	81	28:10.1	28:10.1		9:26.6	9:05/M
10	Rebecca Roesler	Midvale UT	394	29	83	26:37.8	28:11.5	1:33.7	9:28.0	9:05/M
11	Natalie Marquez	Riverton UT	539	26	86	27:38.5	28:27.0	0:48.4	9:43.5	9:11/M

Breaking the Halfway Point!! 14 miler

14!!!!!!

Well I officially broke the half marathon point in training. 14 miles.....8 hills...and two silver dollar sized blisters later. The sad part is that my blisters didn't even hurt by the end of my run because my legs were so tired they were practically numb. This run was definitely a major mental milestone for me too. Last time I did this I was running with two running partners.(love U Mia and Maren!) So the miles were filled with girly banter and laughter even when we were so tired we felt like crying. Now that its just me and my I pod I have to push myself to keep going. I never knew I would feel so competitive running against myself. So here I am 14 miles behind me....next long run will be 16..then 18...and then I am officially in marathon shape. ( I wish my body actually looked it!) Special thanks to my fabulous husband for putting the kids to bed...yet again...so I could torture myself of my own free will.
I do have to comment on one more thing. Now that I am running for two hours at a time I have lots of time to notice things around me. You'd think that because I am running through Provo (especially SOUTH provo) that there is not a lot to look at....but man the Mountains are so beautiful. As I ran up the LOOONG hill towards the Provo temple yesterday It took my breath away. The temple nestled into the mountains almost brought me to tears. (being pushed to exhaustion helped) Not to mention all the tulips and cherry blossoms. God sure is an amazing artist.

AterGater

AterGater....my word for Gatorade! I don't really know where or when it became a permanent part of my vocabulary but all I know is that NOTHING is better than any icy bottle of gatorade on a long run......Its like happiness in a bottle to a dehydrated body! I managed to run 12.1 miles on Saturday. It felt longer. But I am still going farther each week so....I guess I am going in the right direction. Thank you ATERGATER....I couldn't do it with out you.